Has Microsoft Sneaked Malware Into Your Computer?

Routine Windows security update invisibly creates security holes in Firefox browser

Millions of computer users may be at risk

Should Microsoft’s hackers be jailed?

The 800-pound gorillas at Microsoft, notorious for releasing perhaps the most poorly tested, security-deficient commercial software in the known universe, have taken it upon themselves to shoot holes in the security of third-party software as well.

In February 2009, the bumbling twits at Microsoft released a—I actually hesitate to use the term, for reasons which will become apparent—“Security Update” for the Microsoft .Net Framework, specifically, “Microsoft .NET Framework 3.5 Service Pack 1.”

Outrageously, this update also installs the Microsoft .NET Framework Assistant 1.0 extension (add-on) into Firefox without asking the user’s permission.

Yeah? So What?

Well, if you use the Mozilla Firefox browser, you will now find, (actually, you may not—until it’s too late), that websites can now—without your knowledge or consent—download, install and run software on your computer! That’s right, the default settings of this add-on permit websites to install software without notifying you.

WHAT?

Yep! That’s what it does. Microsoft has seen to it that the users of third-party browsers can now have the same sort of security problems which plague users of Microsoft’s—much reviled—Internet Explorer!

But wait, there’s more! The add-on reports the .NET version installed on your computer to every website you visit in the User-Agent string.

The add-on makes use of “ClickOnce” technology, which is expressly designed to allow the installation and execution of software, simply by clicking a link on a webpage—whether or not the link legitimately indicates it is pointing to a software package.

Well, Wikipedia says ClickOnce is a secure technology. So, why shouldn’t I trust it?

Considering the fact that Wikipedia is the world’s largest repository of laughably erroneous data, and that said data is often provided by parties with a vested interest in skewing the information, lets look instead at a quote from InformIT.com’s page on ClickOnce security:

“The problem with the default security model for an enterprise [business] environment is that it puts the trust decision of whether to elevate permissions or not into the users' hands. If an application needs elevated permissions, it prompts the users, and if they click the Install button, the application can elevate its permissions all the way to full trust if it wants to, effectively removing the runtime protections that ClickOnce is capable of providing… Many users do not have the experience to discern a true high-risk scenario from one that is acceptable.”

Indeed, given Microsoft’s abysmal security track-record over the years, (they permitted one XP security hole to remain unpatched for seven years—though they knew about it all along), are you willing to bet that there isn’t a malicious hacker out there who can defeat whatever ClickOnce really has for security and take a peek at your credit card numbers or your financial data? Or watch over your shoulder as you do online banking?

If you have “Automatic Updates” enabled, and you are a Firefox user, you may have the .NET Framework Assistant installed on your computer.

To add insult to maliciousness, should you, while perusing your Firefox add-ons, run across the Microsoft .NET Framework Assistant extension in the list and wonder, “what the hell is that and how did it get into my Firefox?” I’m sure you will be equally bemused to find that the “Uninstall” button is disabled.

So, what is Microsoft .Net Framework? To simplify somewhat, .Net Framework, (yes, that .dot is supposed to be there), is a collection of software which can be used by Windows and third-party programs to perform various functions which would otherwise have to be coded into each application: It helps programmers by cutting down on their code-work and helps you by reducing the overall size of programs which require such routines.

So, this Firefox add-on thing is necessary to the functioning of my software then, Right?

Not in the slightest.

The average Windows user will likely never install software that requires the .Net Framework. Even if a user does have applications that require it, the “ClickOnce” add-on to Firefox is completely unnecessary, representing more of a security risk than it creates a convenience for the user.

Indeed, Annoyances.org, a website which relies on user input to find and fix problems related to Microsoft applications and operating systems, has this to say about the .NET Framework Assistant add-on:

“This update adds to Firefox one of the most dangerous vulnerabilities present in all versions of Internet Explorer: the ability for websites to easily and quietly install software on your PC. Since this design flaw is one of the reasons you may've originally [chosen] to abandon IE in favor of a safer browser like Firefox, you may wish to remove this extension with all due haste.”

Ditch the Firefox add-on, ditch it now.

Removal instructions may be found at Annoyances.org and Microsoft Support. WARNING! Microsoft has seen to it that there is no easy way to remove this malware! The removal instructions require registry editing which—if done incorrectly—may result in software malfunctions or Windows refusing to start altogether! Follow the instructions precisely.

If you are unwilling or unable to remove the offender according to instructions, open Add-ons in Firefox, right-click “Microsoft .NET Framework Assistant” select “disable” and restart Firefox. Hopefully, it will stay disabled.

Don’t think you are safe with the Microsoft malware enabled in Firefox so long as you don’t visit “questionable” websites: Here is a short sample of the many, many legitimate websites which have been hacked in the recent past:

Al Gore's climate crisis website hacked by Viagra sellers (Had to put Chicken Little at the top of this list)

Obama Website Hacked: Users Redirected To Clinton Campaign

Cybercrooks plant phishing scam on crime reduction website

Cern Website Hacked

Computer security Firm Kaspersky's website hacked

Security Software CA's website hacked to point users to Chinese malware

Another police website hacked

Security firm Trend Micro website hacked

Sony website hacked

Thousands hit in broad Web hack

Half-Million Sites Mostly Running PHPBB Forum Software Hacked In Latest Attack

So just what the hell did Microsoft think they were doing? According to Brad Abrams at this site they claim they were doing you a favor:

“A couple of years ago we heard clear feedback from folks that they wanted to enable a very clean experience with launching a ClickOnce app from FireFox. [I wasn’t one of them, Brad, nor, I’ll just bet, were the vast majority of Firefox users] James Dobson published FFClickOnce and got very good reviews, but we had many customers that wanted ClickOnce support for Firefox built into the framework… so in .NET Framework 3.5 SP1 we added ClickOnce support for Firefox! This made ClickOnce apps much more accessible to a wide range of customers.

We added this support at the machine level in order to enable the feature for all users on the machine. Seems reasonable right? Well, turns out [translation: ‘We knew it couldn’t be uninstalled and did it anyway’] that enabling this functionality at the machine level, rather than at the user level means that the "Uninstall" button is grayed out in the Firefox Add-ons menu because standard users are not permitted to uninstall machine-level components.”

Makes you wonder what the hell else these bozos have sneaked into your computer without your knowledge, doesn’t it?

Are Microsoft programmers like many journalists? Do they have to flunk an intelligence test before they are hired?

Brad, Microsoft, no. It sure as hell isn’t reasonable in any way, shape or form, to hack someone’s computer without their knowledge or consent. If there is some fool out there who wants to give websites the ability to silently run their software in his computer, he should manually install it from the Mozilla add-ons site—where Microsoft should have posted this disgrace in the first place. Microsoft has no business hiding this in an otherwise legitimate “security” update.

I work with clients whose companies are locked into Windows; consequently, I have to have at least one computer for my business which runs Windows so I can follow along with those clients—remotely—as I try to solve a problem they just discovered.

I go to a very great deal of trouble, indeed, to make certain that malicious software never takes a foothold on that computer—including the use of the more secure Firefox browser. The very last thing I need is for Microsoft—or other software companies—to waste my time, make my life more difficult and make my computer less secure by introducing yet more potential security holes while hacking my third-party applications!

Fortunately, said precautions prevented Microsoft from tinkering with my Firefox. Yours may be another matter. (And no—please don’t even think of asking what my security precautions and procedures are.)

Lets take a for instance, (I just love “for instances,” don’t you? They’re so warm and cuddly): You own a car, a Chevy, say, and you’ve paid it off—you own it free and clear. You take your car to your Chevy dealer for a 3,000-mile oil change and Chevy’s mechanic disables the third-party security device you had installed—without your knowledge or consent.

What’s the difference between our little for instance and Microsoft frivolously altering your third-party software? Save that Microsoft’s criminal tampering with private property was done via the internet—precisely, none.

If a basement-dwelling hacker did the same thing to your computer—altered your software to make it less secure—when caught, he would be arrested and charged with, at the very least, illegally accessing a computer. There is nothing in the EULA—the Microsoft End-User License Agreement—which gives Microsoft the right to tamper with your third-party software. Such tampering is illegal in the U.S. and many other countries.

"Breaking into other people's property is a crime—it makes no difference if it's a computer or a house that you're burgling."

—Graham Cluley, senior technology consultant for Sophos Anti-Virus

So, perhaps the twits at Microsoft who decided to hack your third-party software should spend a little time in the slammer, (I might recommend hard labor; smashing Microsoft Vista CDs).

“Now wait a minute,” I hear you bellow. “That’s ridiculous! You’re blowing this way out of proportion!”

Really?

Many people have their whole lives in their computers. Consider what may be found on a typical user’s system:

• Financial records
• Passwords to bank accounts
• Mortgage data
• Codes to disarm the security alarms for the house and the office
• Medical information
• Credit card numbers
• Sensitive emails
• Family photos—including pictures of the kids and the exterior and interior of the house
• School records
• Information which might allow someone to determine the whereabouts of children at a given time
• Code words to be given to said children in case of emergency
• The babysitter’s name and the dates and times she watches the kids
• Data on what medication, money or firearms may be in the house
• Safe combinations

Rightly or wrongly, wisely so or not, all that and more may be on someone’s computer, (which the users have reason to believe* to be as secure as possible), when Microsoft tampers with their system, allowing Jimmy-The-Crook’s website to download and run unknown software.

Given the above, maybe you’re not taking this seriously enough!

*Note: Do not infer from my statements that I consider Firefox or any other web browser to be 100% secure—that just ain’t so, folks.

Some internet sites speculate that Microsoft’s little Firefox hack job may have been a deliberate attempt to sabotage it’s competitor’s product. If this is, in fact, the case, it wouldn’t be the first time: Microsoft was brought to trial by the U.S. Department of Justice in 1998 for similar offenses.

If you find that your Microsoft security update has hacked your copy of Firefox, or if any other software company has similarly hacked your third-party software, and you reasonably believe that this activity is illegal, I strongly urge you to report the crime to:

The FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center

FYI, Microsoft isn’t the only upstart company to resort to such practices:

• Apple’s QuickTime and ITunes updates previously installed MobileMe and Safari (63 MB and security-plagued)—without user notification or permission—and pushed Apple Mobile Device Support, Apple Software Update and Bonjour.
• The RealAudio media player's default installation includes both Google Toolbar and Google Desktop Search.
• Sometime ago, Java's default installation included a game called "Puzzle Pirates"—then Java decided they wanted to install Sun Open Office (takes up 250 MB on your hard drive) and Yahoo Toolbar during Java updates.
• Adobe Acrobat Reader's default installation includes the Google Toolbar.
• The RealAudio media player's default installation includes both Google Toolbar and Google Desktop Search.

None of the extras the software providers push in these installations and updates are necessary. In truth, many of these installs and updates do give you the option of disallowing the installation of some of the software, but if you have no bloody idea what “Open Office” or “Bonjour” is, do you allow it or disallow it and hope that the software you do install will run without it?

When in doubt, take a cue from Nancy Reagan and “just say, NO!”

If you research the Google or Yahoo toolbars and decide you want one of them added to your browser, go to their sites and download them—don’t trust anything you are asked to install second-hand.

I Don't Need No Brain, I Got GPS

This is the BMW of a Mr. Robert Jones of Doncaster, South Yorkshire, UK. Mr. Jones, a deliveryman, depends on a GPS navigation system, (which the Brits call Sat-Nav), in his work. “I rely on my sat-nav,” Mr. Jones said. "I couldn't do without it for my job.”

Naturally, he had one in his BMW.

On 22 March 2009, Mr. Jones was trying to find his way around Todmorden, West Yorkshire, when his GPS told him, “turn here.” Mr. Jones complied, even though the road looked a bit narrow, run-down and—well, odd.

The “road” was, in fact, part of the Pennine Way—a footpath used only by serious hikers.

“It kept insisting the path was a road, even as it was getting narrower and steeper, so I just trusted it,” Mr.Jones said.

Heeding the instructions from his GPS with a positively religious fervor, Mr. Jones followed the narrow and twisting footpath higher and higher, finally arrived at the top of the steep hill and proceeded down the other side.

His journey ended when the BMW crashed into a fortuitously-placed wire fence—at the brink of a 100-foot precipice—preventing Mr. Jones from plunging to an almost certain Darwin Award.

A recovery team using a four-wheel drive ATV took nine hours to haul the BMW away from the cliff edge.

“What a maroon,” Bugs Bunny might say—but let's be kind: Mr. Jones is far from being the only driver who—when switching on a GPS, switch off what few, functioning neurons many of them seem to possess.

In the UK alone, there have been more than 300,000 mishaps involving people paying more attention to their GPS than their common sense.

An ambulance crew transferring a patient from King George Hospital in Ilford, UK, to Mascalls Park Hospital near Brentwood—a 12 mile journey which should have taken about 30 minutes—were were sent on an eight-hour, 200 mile journey to the outskirts of Manchester by—you guessed it—a faulty GPS system, (the patient survived the journey, but I’m sure he really had to pee.)

A Queensland, Australia, truck driver, led astray by his GPS, drove onto a road totally unsuitable for heavy vehicles and crashed—narrowly avoiding an 260-foot drop.

Drivers following a GPS-recommended route through the village of Luckington, UK, have found themselves splashing into the River Avon—despite warning signs on both sides of the road and a large expanse of water straight ahead. Local villagers found themselves pulling an average of two cars a day out of the river.

Near the town of Glubczyce, Poland, a man following GPS directions drove his minivan straight into a lake. It seems he took a road closed a year before when the area was flooded to create a reservoir. "He ignored three road signs warning of a dead end,” a police spokesman said. “His GPS told him to drive straight ahead—and he did."

Back in the UK, GPS devices are directing vehicle traffic to a ferry crossing intended for foot-traffic only.

A GPS unit led a convoy of tourists astray in Utah, finally stranding them on the edge of a sheer cliff.

With little food or water, the group of 10 children and 16 adults from California used their GPS to plot a backcountry route from Bryce Canyon National Park to the Grand Canyon—but the device couldn't tell how rough the roads were. One vehicle got stuck in soft sand and two others ran low on fuel; the GPS then offered suggestions leading them onto the wrong dirt roads, which ended at a series of cliffs. The group—so lost it couldn't figure out how to backtrack their route—was finally rescued by Sheriff's officers.

In the same area, a merry band of GPS-equipped Belgian tourists ended up licking condensation off their minivan's windshield after being stranded on Four Mile Bench without water. Riders on all-terrain vehicles stumbled across the group.

One night in Bedford Hills, NY, a man—assiduously following the directions from his GPS—obediently drove onto the tracks of the Metro-North Railroad, where his vehicle became hopelessly stuck. Said driver and his passengers were able to abandon the car before a train crashed into it, causing a two-hour delay and eliciting howls of indignation from some 10,000 angry commuters.

One has to wonder about the conversation which took place in that car:

Tom: "I think we're lost."
Dick: "Can't be. I got GPS. Brand spankin' new."
Harry: "What's it say?"
Dick: "Says to turn right."
Tom: "What, here?"
Dick: "Yep. 'Immediate Right.' S'what it says."
Harry: "But those are railroad tracks."
Dick: "Can't be."
Tom: "Why not?"
Dick: "'Cause the GPS says turn right. Wouldn't say that for railroad tracks now, would it? Gotta be a road."
Harry: "Sure looks like railroad tracks."
Tom: "There are rails."
Dick: "It's dark. Mus' be lane stripes."
Harry: "Awfully narrow lane."
Tom: "And a big sign that says, 'Railroad Crossing.'"
Dick (turning right): "S'gotta mean up ahead. Here we go."
Tom: "OW! Awfully bumpy for a road!"
Harry: "OOF! What happened? Why aren't we moving?"
Dick: "Stuck. Mus' be a pothole. I'll back up."
Tom: "We're still not moving."
Dick (working the shift): "Can't seem to back her up."
Harry: "What's that?"
Tom: "What's what?"
Harry: "That light."
Dick: "Headlight, that's all."
Harry: "Only one?"
Dick: "Ain'cha never seen a car with only one light?"
Tom: “... it's... wiggling."
Dick: "Prolly working itself loose like the first one. Hope he makes it home okay."
Harry: "That's a TRAIN!"
Dick: "Can't be. GPS says we're onna road."
Tom: "THAT'S A TRAIN! GET OUT!"
Dick: "Tell ya what. I'll humor you guys, but you're gonna feel real silly when that beat-up ol' car drives by."
(All three leave the vehicle.)
Dick: "OW!"
Harry: "What's wrong?"
Dick: "Aw, I tripped over the lane stripe. Say, what's that noise? Sounds like... a tornado."
(A train zooms by, smashing into the car and dragging it down the tracks.)
Dick: "NOOOO!!! My... my... new GPS was in that car!"

But wait. There’s more!

There are new GPS systems not intended for mere cars or hikers as you can see at this article: GPS walkers for the elderly.

I can see the headlines now:

Elderly Man Rescued From Ledge Of Chrysler Building
Queens Nursing Home Resident, Bound for Restroom, Located In Yonkers

Ah, the wonders of modern technology.

John McCain Puts The "Twit" In Twitter

McCain Mocks Spending For Astronomy

McCain answers a question on his IQ

John McCain, a man so inept his wife has to scan the internet for him, has a Twitter account, which he uses to promote his political agenda, (I suspect one of his aides makes the entries).

Among other things, McCain has been twittering about pork in the congressional theft "economic stimulus" bill. Now, I'm against pork--which makes up the vast majority of that bill--but look at what McCain sees as the number 2 porker:

#2. $2 million “for the promotion of astronomy” in Hawaii - because nothing says new jobs for average Americans like investing in astronomy

What?

Let's see... McCain represents Arizona... Okay, take a gander at this page:
The Economic Impact of Astronomy, Planetary and Space Science Research in Arizona

Quoting from that page:

Research in Astronomy, Planetary Sciences and Space Sciences is a core strength of Arizona’s economy.

According to the economic analysis contained in the report, in 2006 alone, research in astronomy and space and planetary sciences provided over a $250 million in economic impact to Arizona. To put that in perspective, that is the equivalent of the economic impact of the Super Bowl every two years.

Arizona, like most of the nation, is facing an uncertain economic future in the near term. But one thing is not uncertain and that is the importance of astronomy, space and planetary research to Arizona’s economy.

There are real threats that will diminish the economic contributions of research in these fields. Immediate and decisive action must be taken so that will continue to realize the economic benefit of astronomy and space and planetary sciences.

So. Astronomy brings over a quarter-of-a-billion dollars into his own state every year, but McCain thinks spending 0.000049% of the Pork Bill to promote astronomy in Hawaii is a bad idea?

Well, what’s so special about astronomy in Hawaii?

Hawaii is Earth's connecting point to the rest of the Universe. The summit of Mauna Kea on the Island of Hawaii hosts the world's largest astronomical observatory, with telescopes operated by astronomers from eleven countries. The combined light-gathering power of the telescopes on Mauna Kea is fifteen times greater than that of the Palomar telescope in California -- for many years the world's largest -- and sixty times greater than that of the Hubble Space Telescope.

There are currently thirteen working telescopes near the summit of Mauna Kea. Nine of them are for optical and infrared astronomy, three of them are for submillimeter wavelength astronomy and one is for radio astronomy. They include the largest optical/infrared telescopes in the world (the Keck telescopes), the largest dedicated infrared telescope (UKIRT) and the largest submillimeter telescope in the world (the JCMT). The westernmost antenna of the Very Long Baseline Array (VLBA) is situated at a lower altitude two miles from the summit.

Mauna Kea is unique as an astronomical observing site. The atmosphere above the mountain is extremely dry -- which is important in measuring infrared and submillimeter radiation from celestial sources - and cloud-free, so that the proportion of clear nights is among the highest in the world. The exceptional stability of the atmosphere above Mauna Kea permits more detailed studies than are possible elsewhere, while its distance from city lights and a strong island-wide lighting ordinance ensure an extremely dark sky, allowing observation of the faintest galaxies that lie at the very edge of the observable Universe. A tropical inversion cloud layer about 600 meters (2,000 ft) thick, well below the summit, isolates the upper atmosphere from the lower moist maritime air and ensures that the summit skies are pure, dry, and free from atmospheric pollutants.

Part of the observatory complex on Mauna Kea

To quote the 2006 Report on long-term development of observatory sites on the summit of Mauna Kea:

Astronomy facilities on Mauna Kea and Haleakala represent a capital investment of close to $1 billion. The economic impact of astronomy to the State [of Hawaii] amounts to $150 million per year. New projects for Haleakala and Mauna Kea have the potential to double these numbers.

As of 2006, $150 million and the potential to bring over $300 million to the State of Hawaii every year? Maybe that’s just chump change to a man who didn’t even know how many houses he owned until a journalist told him.

Senator Charles Schumer Says You Want Pork!

"And let me say this to all of the 'chattering class' that so much focuses on those little, tiny–yes, porky–amendments...the American people really don’t care."

"But though there is no difference in this respect between the best demagogue and the worst, both of them having to present their cases equally in terms of melodrama, there is all the difference in the world between the statesman who is humbugging the people into allowing him to do the will of God, in whatever disguise it may come to him, and one who is humbugging them into furthering his personal ambition and the commercial interests of the plutocrats who own the newspapers and support him on reciprocal terms."
-George Bernard Shaw

Well known for being a conceited, arrogant rat, Schumer believes the American people don’t care if he and his scheming cronies fellow lawmakers stuff--to the hilt--Obama’s already outrageous “economic stimulus” bill with waste!

Tell him otherwise!

Email him at: schumer.senate.gov/new_website/contact.cfm

or contact him through:

Schumer, Charles E. - (D - NY) Class III 313 HART SENATE OFFICE BUILDING WASHINGTON DC 20510 (202) 224-6542 Fax:202-228-3027	District Office- Albany: Leo O’Brien Building, Room 420 Albany, NY 12207 Phone: 518-431-4070 Fax: 518-431-4076
District Office- Binghamton: 15 Henry Street, Room B6 Binghamton, NY 13901 Phone: 607-772-6792 Fax: 607-772-8124	District Office- Buffalo: 111 West Huron Street, Room 620 Buffalo, NY 14202 Phone: 716-846-4111 Fax: 716-846-4113
District Office- Hudson Valley: Post Office Box A Red Hook, NY 12571 Phone: 914-285-9741 Fax: 845-758-1043	District Office- Long Island: 145 Pine Lawn Road, Room 300 Melville, NY 11747 Phone: 631-753-0978 Fax: 631-753-0997
District Office- New York City: 757 Third Avenue, Suite 17-02 New York, NY 10017 Phone: 212-486-4430 TTYD Number: 212-486-7803 Fax: 212-486-7693	District Office- Rochester: 100 State Street, Room 3040 Rochester, NY 14614 Phone: 585-263-5866 Fax: 585-263-3173
District Office- Syracuse: 100 South Clinton Street, Room 841 Syracuse, NY 13261-7318 Phone: 315-423-5471 Fax: 315-423-5185

Twit Issues Fake Evacuation Order

Chris Sanders Wins Our Useless Git of The Week Award!

On 1 January 2009, Christopher C. Sanders, an unqualified “geologist,” posted a YouTube video and a bogus “evactuation order” on a website, (since taken down), illegally featuring a USGS logo and designed to scare the holy-hoppin’ bejeesus out of everyone in the known universe:

"I am advising all State officials around Yellowstone National Park for a potential State of Emergency. In the last week over 252 earthquakes have been observed by the USGS. We have a 3D view on the movement of magma rising underground. We have all of the pre warning signs of a major eruption from a super volcano. - I want everyone to leave Yellowstone National Park and for 200 miles around the volcano caldera."

Chris Sanders in a quiet moment just before the world blows up.

The United States Geological Survey, (not affiliated with Chris or his spider-web of online sites), issued this press release on a genuine USGS website:

“The USGS is not affiliated with a web site that recommends evacuation of Yellowstone National Park and bears the USGS logo. The USGS is not recommending the evacuation of the park. Officials at the USGS are working through the appropriate legal channels to have both the warning and logo removed from the web site. Yesterday, the USGS issued a press release announcing that the swarm of earthquakes has stopped for now and may have ceased entirely.”

Mr. Sanders apparently became spooked at a number of earthquakes—like Chris, very shallow and insignificant—in the Yellowstone vicinity. He has neither the authority, qualifications nor the requisite amount of grey-matter, (the required amount, I understand, being at least 947cc or about one quart), to make such a judgement or release such an “order.”

Chris also gave an amusing, paranoid, rant extemely plaintive email interview to a journalist a transcript of which is posted at this site.

He also has more shady websites, (all asking for your money), than you can shake a bought senator at, including—and I submit this explains a very great deal—The North Dakota Hemp Council.

You may express your disapproval and send dead, stinky fish to Chris at:

Chris Sanders
President
The Gas Company
chris.sanders@yahoo.com
7510 Sunset Blvd. Suite #1073
Los Angeles, CA 90046

(Please don’t really send dead, stinky fish through the US mail. I have a friend in the postal service. Use Fedex.)

There has been much gnashing of teeth and beating of breast and "OMG where do I hide?" about this, and since everyone and his dog has put in his two drachmas' worth, I hope no-one minds if I do so.

I live a short, pleasant drive from the northern entrance to Yellowstone Park. The animals here are behaving normally. The scientists here are behaving normally. The residents here are behaving normally, (Chris Sanders doesn’t live here). No-one's worrying about the Park blowing up--except this one, dull-witted, so-called "geologist.”

There are ALWAYS earthquakes in the Park--hundreds a year. I know when there is one much over a mag 3, because my power-pole does the hula in proportion to the severity of the shock.

A look at the raw data from the pretty-much official Yellowstone Earthquake Data site shows that most of the recent quakes are quite shallow--some only a few hundred feet in depth. Not at all what one would expect of an imminent “Deep-Magma Hot-Spot" super-eruption.

I'm with one of the country fire departments. I talk to meteorologists on our weather and climate and how they affect wildland fire behavior. I talk to the geologists about the Park. I get briefed on emergency procedures and evacuation plans, because our department will be instrumental in carrying them out.

I am not a trained geologist, but my training IS in astrophysics, so I'm not a complete and utter dimwit unlike…well…some.

I pretty-much know what goes on around here.

Let me first tell you about Heart Mountain near Cody, Wyoming. Heart Mountain's geologic layers are upside-down, and match geologic layers of areas of Yellowstone Park, to the west, (you can read about this in geologist John McPhee's seminal book, "Rising From The plains"). The last time the Yellowstone "Super Volcano" erupted, it picked up what is now Heart Mountain and deposited it—the whole fraking mountain—upside-down about 100 miles away. That last eruption was a doozy-and-a-half, (I might point out that the Wikipedia entry on Heart Mountain is full of what drops out of the south end of a north-bound bull, but that's typical of Wikipedia).

I might also mention that a small number of geologists believe that there is currently NOT one or two huge magma pool under the Park, but a series of small ones. Their findings cause everything from gasping, sputtering and jaw-dropping to outrage among many "PhDs" and—through decades of experience with other scientists—and academia in general—I therefore tend to believe that handful of geologists are likely correct, (only the truth tends to make tenured hack "scientists" that upset).

Much has been made recently of the uplift of parts of the ground surface in Yellowstone, which showed an uplift rate 3 times that observed in the 1920’s. There is some discussion that the 1920’s surveys may not have been as accurate as formerly believed, leading many to question just how much uplift may really have occurred during and since that period.

Let me now tell you the warning signs of a major eruption in Yellowstone Park. A major magma expansion is going to exude pressure onto the rock strata above, (yes, yes, and below and to the sides but that's not my point here, read on). High school physics will show the pressure will be expressed as heat. This heat and pressure will spread—finally—to the geyser-water table under the Park. All the geysers in the Park will start spouting—including those that haven't spit a drop of luke-warm water in decades or centuries. When you see THAT happening, start worrying. Until then, find something else to do.

If the Yellowstone caldera erupts in the fashion it did some 640,000 years ago, Bend Over And Kiss Your Sweet (insert appropriate skin color here) Patootie GOODBYE. It is believed that eruption ejected 1,000 cubic kilometers, (240 cubic miles), of material into the atmosphere. By contrast, the 1815 eruption of the Indonesian volcano Mount Tambora threw about 93 cubic miles as high or higher as 30 miles into the atmosphere—along with some 400 million tons of gas—resulting in 1816’s “Year Without A Summer,” during which it snowed in New England in June and crop failures were the norm in Europe and North America. Hundreds of thousands of people died as a result.

There is nowhere on this entire planet you can go and be unaffected by an eruption of the nature of the one in Yellowstone 640,000 years ago, and there are frightfully few places you can go where you won't die within a year or two.

Within 600 miles or so you will likely be dead within a few days. The further away you are in the northern hemisphere, the longer it will take to kill you, but it will—almost certainly—eventually kill you directly or indirectly. The ash is mostly macro-to-microscopic particles of glass, (I can dig down a few yards in my pasture and show you a sample if you wish—it's pretty nasty and never comes out of your skin—don't inhale it), and it will kill much of the animal life—including humans—in an enormous region. And an awful death it will be: The thousands of microscopic shards of volcanic glass you inhale with each breath will slash the alveoli, (air sacs within your lungs), and you will slowly and painfully drown in your own blood. If you are--I hesitate to say, "lucky"--the amount of ash you breathe in will not be fatal and you may contract fibrosis, alveolar proteinosis, epidermoid tumors, lymph node granuloma, or half-a-dozen other nasty afflictions.

Then, after a time—not a terribly long time—much of that ash will drift south into the southern hemisphere.

Somewhere in the process, the billions of tons of debris and gases—such as sulfur dioxide—the super volcano will blow into the atmosphere will block the sunlight and cause much of the Earth to freeze. Noontime will look like twilight. Snow and ice will cover the ground everywhere. A large amount of sunlight will be bounced out into interstellar space. Spring and summer as we now know it will simply not occur in many regions, perhaps for years, perhaps for generations—depending on whose models you believe. Thousands of plant and animal species with be extinct in a year or two.

Further devastation may result through the landing—perhaps hundreds or thousands of miles away—of volcanic ejecta capable of starting forest fires of a number, extent and ferocity such as man has never seen. This would further add to the sunlight-blocking material in the atmosphere, and would directly and indirectly kill even more people.

A Yellowstone super eruption certainly won't cause the mass extinctions Earth endured during the asteroid strike 65,000,000 years ago, but most humans will not survive it, simply because:

Because the vast majority of us have our food brought to us by truck and ship and plane—sometimes from many hundreds—thousand—of miles distant.

Because our water is electrically pumped to us through pipes from somewhere-or-other.

Because we depend on our heat from electricity and gas: The eruption will cause those services to fail in much of the world.

Because the infra-structure the majority of us depend on—and blithely ignore—for our very survival cannot, itself, survive such a cataclysm: Part of it will collapse due to the direct, physical assault of the eruption and the remainder will collapse because the humans who operate and service it will be dropping dead by the thousands.

The human race will not die out, but it will be a pale, sickly shadow of what it was the day before such an eruption. Those who do not die of the ash, or the cold, will simply starve, or be the victim of anything from hungry animals, suicidal depression or vicious humans fighting to save themselves.

Realistically, there won't be many of us left.

I am not generally not one to speak in anything approaching absolutes, but the bottom line is:

If there is a "super volcano" eruption in Yellowstone Park of the nature of the last one, you—reading this—almost certainly will not survive it. If there ISN'T an eruption, you are worrying for nothing.

Me? I'm not going anywhere. I see nothing to worry about now. Though if I did, well, I'd prefer the quick death of the blast wave to the slow, agonizing death the rest of civilization would have.

BTW: The "ash fallout map" which has been mentioned on many websites and forums, is perfectly circular, which is complete and utter bilge. The explosion will not be uniform, for one thing. No living human being can possibly predict the force—nor ANY—conditions of such an eruption. The eruption will not be nearly instantaneous then come to a screeching halt. The map also, and obviously, does not—cannot—take into account the speed and volume of the eruption, seasonal weather fronts, trade winds, ground winds, upper winds which vary depending on altitude, winds induced by the massive force of the eruption itself, etc, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.

If this indeed meant to be an ash fallout map, as many say, it is a complete fraud. The last Yellowstone eruption spewed major amounts of ash most of the way to the Mississippi, some all the way to the Eastern Seaboard and such ash has been identified by isotopic analysis in Europe, Asia and Africa.

Whoever came up with that map should be first publicly flogged with a copy of the "Principia Mathematica" and then relegated to a job suitable to his level of intelligence—such as flipping burgers.

Such a map would, however, serve to illustrate the proposed—and laughably ridiculous—evacuation area in the event of the imminent eruption of Yellowstone. How would such an evacuation be carried out? There’s is no way it could be carried out that I can determine. Where would all those millions of people go? Well…um…er…

I am reminded of the Civil Defense plan, several decades ago, to evacuate Kansas City in the event of a nuclear, (pronounced new-clee-er, not new-kyuu-ler), attack. Said plans had the fleeing residents on busses or driving themselves through the nuclear missile fields of Missouri and Kansas—bigger targets than Kansas City itself. Perhaps this was the governments’ way of seeming to be on top of the situation while at the same time making it unnecessary to find housing for the refugees.